Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
