Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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