oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
