a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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