...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
