I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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