I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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