my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
