I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
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Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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