Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
