I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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