The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize