Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
