did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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