Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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