Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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