I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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