haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
