you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
