Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
