You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
