i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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