Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
