My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
