I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
