I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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