god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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