Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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