My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
