a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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