There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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