So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
