i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
