grandma shit on top of the toilet
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
