Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
