I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
