I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
