I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I've blown a few things in my day
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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