I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I faked an abortion last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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