New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
