I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.