I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.