i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook