hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
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Found the puke drawer
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies