So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
