I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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