You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Drunk is not a location!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
