I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize