dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize