You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
