Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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