hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
