He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
