Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize