you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
