she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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