she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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