great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
