____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is that strawberry winking at me??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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