i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
