So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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