Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
