Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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