i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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