You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
